Gone

I don't post here anymore.

www.ashlingmaguire.blogspot.com

Karl is fantastic

I really have to learn to not leave myself signed in on computers where karl can easily get into my blog and write ridicolous things.

Blog 4: In which Ash wonders what one in seven Irish people is up to.

1) So recently I've been getting a lot of "Ash have you written that blog yet?". I've also been overusing the phrase "I'll do it tomorrow". Well no more! In my search for inspiration I decided some good solid statistics would do the trick. Wanna know what one in seven Irish people are up to? I sure do.

Did you know that one in seven Irish people has seen the film Veronica Guerin? I am part of that statistic, it's rather good. Unfortunately some of us haven't heard the film because one in seven Irish people suffers from hearing loss. Some may spend a little too much time watching journalist related films and not enough time doing things what are healthy cos one in seven Irish people is obese, which as we all know leads to a heightened risk of an ailment which affects one in seven of us Irish people, arthritis! Bit depressing eh? Well we should know, one in seven Irish people has considered suicide!

I would have liked some happy statistics to go with those but alas, none to be found. Of course I did what I always do when Ireland is being lame and went straight to Japan. I was not disappointed: One in seven Japanese people owns a Nintendo DS! Well there you have it, nintendo cures hearing problems and arthritis, it will make you thin and give you the will to live.

2) I went in search of the page I'd written some possible blog topics on [edit: "on which I had written some possible blog topics"!! pwnd by grammar again! >:/ ] a few weeks ago. They were not very good. "Liam" "French = bad" and "Give me my xmas presntz bitchz" I may as well give them a go:

A) 4,156,118 of 4,156,119 Irish people believe that Liam Kennedy is a rat. [exposé still in the works]

B) "But Ashling, how will you come up with a lengthy description of how french has wronged you when you haven't been in college for approximately 56754 years?"... Fear not, generalised voice of reader, I do not need a lengthy description this time. One of the french exams gave me a paper cut. End of.

C) I didn't know what this meant at first. Why couldn't 2 weeks ago me have expanded this point?? It's as if I didn't remember Ms o Dwyer always treated unexpanded points as punishable by death! However, something soon clicked, it all came flooding back to me and I realised this point is even more relevant now than it was 2 weeks ago. Before Christmas I stated at length how I didn't want any presents from friends. Despite this request some of you went ahead and bought me some anyway. Which was lovely of you, thank you Nirina and Rach =D. But these are not the "bitchz" to which my note was refering, oh no. KARL AND RYAN both decided "I'm gonna get Ash a gift, tell her I've got it but not what it is and then forget to give it to her for yonks while she goes mad with the suspense." To you two I say, "Give me my xmas presntz bitchz".

Hope you've enjoyed my wittering.

In which Ash kills time

I've been waiting for 'Time After Time: The Best of Cyndi Lauper' to download for about 3 hours now and I'm getting mighty impatient. 92.3% gaaaaaah.

1. The Runners Up : So give us 5 weeks to do an english project and of course we'll do nothing for 4 and a half weeks and come up with something amazing at the last minute. In true arts student fashion we complained about what had to be done, did nothing, complained again, some people turned up to meetings drunk, we complained some more, did a bit more nothing, threw some ideas around for an adaptation of Othello which included setting it in a prison with a backdrop of the Iraq war and something about a shark and complained again.

EDIT: Only Mike was intoxicated. And in fairness he also came up with the prison and shark ideas, no sober people had super cool ideas like that. What have we learned?

Our poster commitee (ie, Camilla) came up with a lovely horse concept. It was so lovely we decided to ignore the fact that there are no horses in Othello. Nana Kate, our technology wizard, made a kick ass powerpoint thing while myself and Cassie researched useless things and were generally synical. We found out Camilla owns horses. Brona unfortunatly got trapped in her own house for 5 weeks but miraculously escaped in time to attend our presentation. Mike and Rob provided the lulz and Bo was the glue that held us all together. In the end we decided on a soap opera version of Othello, with one act showing every week (why?!). Gav, Cassie and Camilla made the presentation and blew the examiners away. The only way it could have been better is if we'd listened to Tara and included Hollyoaks. It didn't matter that there are no horses in othello or that the idea was blatently awful cos Camilla was so lovely. Darren held the poster.

Take that Group A! With your fancy Othello t-shirts and your flashy Katy Perry presentation and effort.

2. Christmas is coming and with it, my pet hate: I freaking hate perfume adds. Everytime I see one I get really really angry cos of their general arrogance and just grrrrr factor. "calvin klein *ridiculous imagery* affluence by calvin klein. for him, for her". Honestly, it's enough to make me want to smell bad just to spite them.

EDIT: Perfume adds involving Matthew McConaughey are acceptable.

Cyndi Lauper downloaded! Yay!! Ahhh Goonies R Good Enough is on this!! Ashling trivia: The Goonies is my favourite film.

3.What would a blog be without weekly humiliation from french? Just a quickie this time.

Me: *Misunderstands Question*

Prof: Eh no blah blah blah

Me: ...................... Oh right, tu.

later....

Prof: ... and so thats what you do in the exam, work it out. Like you Ashling, you figured out that verb thing...took you a while but you got there.

Me: o.0Is she fo' serious?! Have I done her some great personal wrong in the past??

4. A Night at DCU: As the genius who wrote the Ross O Carroll-Kelly books pointed out, A college for poor people with dyslexia =P

Neil Delamer is a funny funny man, when faced with odd, under dressed hecklers he is much funnier. The opening act was not a funny man and fell over when jokes didnt work. We did not win the interval's "why did the chicken cross the road?" competition even with James's genius "to lay yer ma" or my "to get to UCD".

You know what did win? An in-joke with the judges. Where is the Justice?

The lift home with Nirina's dad was a life changing experience. It's not that I'm ungrateful but the man drives like a lunatic and now I can add "death by car accident" to my ever growing list of fears.

Here is the list as it currently stands:

1. Spiders. *see earlier blog*

2. Semi deflated balloons.

3. Death by car accident.

4. Drunk Killian Blake.

5. Toilets that are not in my house.

6. Not being awesome.

7. People touching my neck.

8. Stairs. Especially the illegal variety.

9. Thom York.

This week's friend crushes:

The Goonies

Camilla

George Takei

Oh I almost forgot!! Dr. Michael Brophy made a joke last week! He actually injected some humour into what he said! A historic moment.

In which Ash gets a blast from bebo comment past and is once again humiliated by french.

1) Karma is hilarious.

I've decided to take requests in this blog. Cos I'm good like that. Tuireann's birthday bash!!Things I noticed on saturday evening:

a) Blesso bouncers are a bit pointless.

b) Duffy does pub gigs now.

c) Duncan the bowl/cup is awesome but shows up at inappropriate times.

d) Tuireann's brother is a total pirate.

Things I noticed on Sunday morning:

a) Waking up in a bed with 3 other people, one of them being a scantily clad Conor Walsh, is odd.

b) Being woken up at 8 in the morning by drunk people banging pots and singing George Michael's classic 'Never Gonna Dance Again' is quite hilarious.

c) Idiots deciding to steal a kayak to sail across Blessington lake only to almost drown will always be hilarious.

d) Why was the furniture in the attic?!

2) Dr. Michael Brophy

As Cassie has mentioned in comments, we've decided Dr. Michael Brophy is the human equivalent of water. Dr. Michael Brohy was christened Dr. Michael Brophy and no one has ever called him by anything else. Dr. Michael Brophy lost his accent and the ability to emphasise any part of his speech in a freak poetry accident. Dr. Michael Brophy was born with the exact bland hairstyle and 'stache combo he still sports today. Dr. Michael Brophy is one of those "Yes, Mother...." people. Dr. Michael Brophy is a fan of the beige slacks.

3) You win again, French =_=

Tutor: blah blah blah french poerty blah blah. So what is this poem about? Can anyone tell me?Class: Silence....
Tutor: *asks the same question in different ways for about 5 minutes*

Class: Silence....

Me: *as usual freaks out with so much silence*

Tutor: same questionMe: *mentally pulling hair out*

Class: Silence....

Tutor: Silence.....

Me: *spouts some nonsense about memory just to fill silence* [mind you it was ms o dwyer standard waffle!]

Tutor: *Goes on for ages about how wrong i am and that the question was actually invalid and should have been what does the poem do* or some crap like that.

Guy beside me: *snigger*

Me: mumble mumble 'spose mumble...

She hates my guts!! As does French in general.

4) Pussycat Dolls on ice!

Funtimes were had by all at ice skating last night. Tara's gonna be on the next strictly on ice or whatever that's called. No way it was her first time! My epic fall was painfully entertaining and Rach got her come upance for not buying a luas ticket - a long walk back from Smithfield alone! And we turned down drugs, go us!

5) I advise you all to read your bebo comments from years ago

This gave me endless entertainment today! Oh the things some of you came out with. Obviously I can't post all of them so I'm going to pick a theme. It is "I'm obviously really annoying and have pissed these people off" Enjoy...

Tuireann O Neill

AHHHHHHHHHHH ATTENTION EVERYBODY!!! i, tuireann o neill, do not own a purse, this is an ellaborate lie created by one Aisling Maguire to bring my sexuality into question so as to conquer the world itself! if you value your lives,or more importantly mine, you shallt rebel!REBEL!! fight this doer of evil! this maker-upper of lies!For a freer more equal Scotland! we will defeat the king....i got a bit caught up 100 weeks ago

Karl Dizzle

damn!!!!you got tude tryn tat shite nigga..watch your back homie or im gna cap you and your niggaz...im an ice cold killa 96 weeks ago

Ryan Byrne

Must You contradict everything i do, literally, everthing has to have a backcomment. everything. well not this time!!!!. Ask david attenborough, when tortoises are young they have to jump from there nest on the beach to the water. Mama turtle however will lay her eggs in the shallows under sand. therefore here young dont jump to the water as they are already there!!.also, a turtle will never leave water voluntarily. only silly humans lift them out in the zoo to let the kids pet them!!. "go" is a sentence!!it does have a subject. as in "go" said ryan as his horse crossed the finish line, ryan is talking to the horse! or another example: "go", "go and fuck off with your arrogant comments!!" 98 weeks ago

That ones my favourite ^^

This weeks friend crushes

1. The Recession

2. Whoever came up with the phrase "a legend in his own lunchbox"

In which Ash discusses accents, friend crushes, being a bum and, inevitably, Jemaine.

1) I totally re enforce the Arts student stereotype:

I’m far too good at procrastinating. I’m doing it right now! When college first started, I was all “FUUUUCK me this is a lot of work” but I have discovered it’s so much easier when you just don’t do the work and it’s much less time consuming when you just don’t go to tutorials. As a result you will often find me, Cassie and Kate sitting in the arts cafe, most likely playing tetris while I stalk David. We occasionally venture to the canteen. Of course lectures are far too fun to miss. Some of my favourite lecture activities include:

a) Enjoying how Luca Asmonti pronounces things, says “crispy reading” and dresses snappily.

b) Being distracted by Cassie

c) Having staring contests with the guy from the French news

d) Trying to figure out where the frick Dr. Michael Brophy is from! The man has NO accent!

e) Tetris.

2)French hates me:

I have bucket loads of evidence to back this up.

a)The phone incident: There was me, thinking I was gonna be a good French student and staunch it back to UCD with K.Dizzle to see the screening of L’auberge Espagnol. Of course no one showed up. About 10 people and the lectrices. The film itself was a mildly entertaining tale of some dude who went to Spain, took up pot smoking and fell in love with a lesbian from Belgium. (Myself and karl noted afterwards that more people would have shown up if the drugs and Belgian lesbians were mentioned beforehand). Anyway, we had to leave halfway through to catch the all important Jtown bus. Being all subtle and the like we reach the door only to let my phone drop and watch it fall, in the slowest and noisiest way possible, all the way to the bottom of the theatre, onto the stage, smash spectacularly into 3 different pieces which of course flew in different directions. I turn around, hoping for the moral support of karl but in classic karl style he’s already eeled his way out the door. So I retrieve my phone in shame with the eyes of 15 people glued to me, which takes an agonisingly long time, try to make it out without bursting out laughing and of course fail. Finally leave the lecture hall to find karl practically on the ground in stitches. Yeah... made a show of meself.

b)They lost my assignment. They found my assignment but just kept leaving it places where they couldn’t return it to me. I was annoyed!

c)I’m fairly convinced that French has 4,000 tenses just to annoy me.

3) My accent is blaaaaand:

College life has brought me into contact with many super awesome accents including: French, Donegal, South African, Japanese, assorted bog accents, English, Welsh, various degrees of American and in the case of Dr. Michael Brophy, NO ACCENT WHATSOEVER. This has brought me to the conclusion that my own accent is very boring indeed and I plan on acquiring a new one in the near future.

4) Friend Crushes:

This new concept is very helpful. It describes when you see someone you don’t really know and go “wow... I really want to be that person’s friend”. People who I currently have friend crushes on:

1)Andrew McMahon

2)Barack!

3)Luca Asmonti and Alexander Thein (Greek&Roman Lecturers!)

4)Lionel Richie

5) JEMAINE.

FOTC Lyric of the week:

So you think maybe you'll be a prostitute.

Just to pay for your lessons, you're learning the flute.

Ladies wouldn't pay you very much for this.

Looks like you'll never be a concert flutist.

*Jemaine Dance*

My favourite thing at the moment: Morning chats with Kate and Aleisha ^^

Ashling hates: buses, old ladies, vagueness, famous deaths, Katey and Miley.

1.Commuting is a bad thing. It eats up alot of time and personally I find it drasticly affects my mental state. I spend alot of time wishing death upon people while I'm on buses. It doesnt help that I've misplaced my MP3 and am now forced to listen to arrogant phone conversations and drunks for up to 3 hours a day. The extra frustrating thing is that all this hatred could be avoided if Dublin Bus would cop on and give me a logical bus route. It could take 25 minutes!! It could be so simple!! DAMN THE 17!!

1a. Old ladies who feel compelled to chat on or near buses are the bane of my life at the moment. Small talk is irritating! Also, if the bus had already come, why would I still be standing here!?! Shut up elderly bus ladies, commuting is crap enough without you all up in my face.

2. College is sometimes enjoyable. The new friend thing is fun, though topic cards would be useful, (Purcell, 2008).

3. Although the college experience is alright, the work is enough to fry one's brain. I wouldn't find it so hard if they told me what I needed to learn. It's too vague "here's a lecure, here's a reference book. On your way now". I need some Specific Learning Outcomes! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME UCD?!?!

4. Famous people need to stop dying/being critically injured. Well the ones I like anyway. Miley Cyrus on the other hand... Take her instead of Travis!!

5. Katy Perry needs to go die in a hole. I swear to god she is a talentless wench.

6. Google Calendar where have you been all my life?? It's so amazing!! It's telling me it's time to do my french assignment now.